Lucky Reality?

It is a familiar feeling I think I've experienced before. Years back when most of my other school mates were entrusted by their parents to take care of themselves by being allowed to go around town commuting via public transport, my parents never allowed me to do so. They made sure I was dropped off and picked up from meeting places I've arranged in advance to meet my mates. They would make me wait in the car until one of my friends was visible to their eyes before letting me off the car. I used to beg my parents for more trust and begged for more freedom. Right now, looking back I can't believe how my parents made life so much simpler for me. I was lucky.

The familiar kind of feeling floods me right now as I enjoy my life as a going-to-be-28-year-old. Unlike most people my age who are expected a queue of responsibilities on their lists, I on the other hand feel like I am as free as a bird. No pressure from whosoever to do whatever that I wouldn't want to do. In fact life is easy and way too much freedom. But could it be that I am running away from the reality of life or is it because I've yet again got the lucky way out?

Selfish is me...

Chasing dreams, earning a living, taking a break...whatever you may call it. Living away from home essentially sums up my life at the moment. Lots of tears I have shed during the last six months. Life away from home has been terribly difficult. I eat by myself, sometimes I end up eating nothing. I cry myself to bed thinking about what I'm missing out back at home. I walk the familiar streets of this island and I wished my other half was right there next to me. When I turn my head and a stranger looked at me coldly, I tear. I complain. And I complain all the time, that people are rude, colleagues are nasty, friends are fake. I keep complaining. I cry, I complain, I become a baby. I want things my way. But, things are in my way. I had a choice, I chose this path. Enough. Enough of acting like a baby because it isn't fair. It isn't fair to him. He never chose to have his partner live her live away from his. It's equally as difficult for him. Yet every ounce of his energy is used to soothe me, to make me feel better, to support my weak soul. It's time to wake up from my ignorent slumber of being a fucking baby. Stop it because it is nothing but selfish. You fucking useless baby!

Despite it all...

Despite it all, I'm extremely happy and glad that I have you in my life! Your constant reminder of your love for me completes me. Everything about you makes being with you the best thing that had ever happened to me. Your assurance of our future together brings excitement into my life. Your faith and your hope in us build a solid foundation for the rest of our lives to anchor upon. I know I have found my man in you. I am the luckiest girl to have found a man I adore so much! Thank you my darling! =)

p/s: How many guys would promise to work hard not for himself but for you? Thank you, Sweetheart! =)

For the better

I have been given an opportunity to live a dream I always had. I always thought God's timing would perfect everything. However, it didn't seem to be the case this time around. If the opportunity had come 3 years back, then this job would have been perfect for me - the travelling around the world, my own time at luxurious hotels, shopping spree every other week. Fabulous life I'd say! Today, 3 years later, having the privilege to live such a life, my perception of it has changed. Perhaps maturity brought me to the next level? I don't know. But one thing I do know, living away from my loved ones in a country that is foreign to me doesn't seem like a worthwhile price to pay even if it was for all the perks of the job. Perhaps God's timing at work? Fair enough that I waited a lifetime for this opportunity, but more to that God is putting me to a test He might already have the answer to. To choose a life I have dreamt of living? Or to choose the love of my life? My answer loud and clear...I choose the love of my life!

So, if God has already pre-selected an answer for me, then why still gave me the opportunity I thought was gold? For mere confusion? I'd like to think that it is so that I taste the sweetness in missing the one I love, and a gentle reminder that he means everything to me! He was the dream I've always had. Thank you sweetheart for giving it to me.

Expectations...

"The unity of two people brings about a partnership that might possibly be of heightened expectations"

Is heightened expectations considered a disorder? Whatever.

p/s: HAPPY MOTHERS' DAY TO ALL BEAUTIFUL WOMEN! It does not matter however young or old you may be. As long as you are born homogametic, with x-chromosomes, you long to carry your very own child in your arms. You may run away from the commitment of motherhood, but the longing of becoming a mother will always be present. That's probably why dolls were created. To my very own mother, thank you for being the perfect role model in my life. Your shoes may be too big for me to fill. I guess I won't know how it feels till it really happens. I take my hat off to you, I salute you for being such an incredibly strong woman. I wish to grow up to be like you...I love you, mom! 

It's YOU!

So I got you thinking that I disappeared from the face of earth? Not quite...We've moved into the 5th month of the no longer new year of 2011. I wouldn't give a month-to-month recap of what happened coz typically that would be done at the end of each year. However worth a mention that I've relocated and I'm now working from Singapore. The first few months had been tough. But looking at it now, it is still tough.

When I first relocated, I thought it was because I didn't have personal space as I was sharing a room with my 8 year old cousin. And so I moved out. Moving out was a wise decision as I was closer to work and that gave me a few more minutes of sleep in the morning. Moving into my own room also gave me the luxury to be on the internet anytime of the day, and doing whatever I like in the privacy of my own room. Still after working very hard to furnish my little room into a cosy corner, I still felt very empty. Then I thought I needed to go out more often and meet more people and go new places. I did and the feeling was still the same. Perhaps it will change once I start working. Work started and nothing changed.

In the midst of all these that happened, a few occasions had me feeling over the moon and extremely happy. Twice, my boyfriend came to visit, once I went home for Chinese New Year, once for my boyfriend's graduation, and once when my boyfriend came over for my graduation. The culprit of it all is the 200miles distance that is keeping me away from the person I most adore. Well, I never knew I can be so weak. I never knew what it feels like to miss someone so badly. I miss him so much that it hurts. I don't know how or what I can do to handle the pain. But despite it all...I am truly glad I found the person whom I know I cannot live without in this life!

Thank You 2010!

And so, 2010 is coming to an end...

What an amazing year it had been...As we usher the new year, I want to spend some time to remember what happened in 2010 and be grateful for all the good things that filled the year!

When I think about 2010...

1) I thank for parents for being very tolerant with me as I whipped my temper up and down battling with the course I struggled to finish. Most of all, I would like to thank them for their endless support in everything that I do. Thank you for giving me endless shopping trips even when I cannot afford it as a student, for allowances throughout the year, for feeding me, for a roof above my head, for the presents on my birthday and Christmas, and last but not least for the warmth you've provided to make this home truly a home-sweet-home for us.

2) I thank my cousemates who generously share their knowledge with me. Knowledge can be read from materials made readily available. But more than that, the relationship we built with each other, the pillar of support we were for each other as we journey on as students with external practicum and all were priceless and cannot be replaced with anything else. So for that, I thank for coursemates for constantly teaching me to be a better person for myself and for the society.

3) I thank some authority figures/supervisors who were ever so giving throughout the year. Those who saw me as more than what I can be, I sincerely thank you. For believing in me and for grooming me into the student I am today. The journey as a student will never end. If anything, I've learnt to be teachable and be ever grateful for classroom lessons as well as lessons I got from such role models in my life.

4) I thank my friends who took the effort to call and check on me as I survive the year being a poor student. Poor in finances as well as in social life. But you guys constantly brought me back to earth by reminding me that I'm human being afterall and I need friends to keep me sane. For all the extra effort, I thank you.

5) I thank those whom I had privilege to work with for being tolerant of my new skills, and trusted me enough to work with me. Each and everyone of you had helped sharpen my professional skills in diverse areas. For that would like to say a big thank you. 

6) I thank the most important person in my life. I will never be who I am today without your love and your support. 2010 had been great! We proved to each other how much we meant to each other in ways never before seen or experienced. We not only connected as a couple, we shared our families with each other, we exchanged friends, and we continued to be there for each other. Darling, you know how much you mean to me, I thank you for being that special part of my life!

To 2011, welcome and may we celebrate the year with much victory, happiness, joy, and good health!