These few weeks had been hectic and will continue on till I know for sure what I'll be doing with my life. I have too many things on my plate - packing for the move, getting ready for my trip home, mind-organising dad's 50th birthday bash, work stress and not to forget the lingering pain of the ultimate decision as to go home or to stay!
At times like this, when I have too many things happening at once, I always feel very emotional and weak...maybe it's an indication that I am indeed weak. I know I will get through it (as I usually do!), but it just very mind boggling when having so many things to attend to at once.
In another weekend, we will be out of our current place - 4/95 Berry Street...I will surely and sadly miss this place. Lots of memories, lots of love, and lots of joy shared...I'm so over moving from one place to another, but this has become a norm for renters like us - we live like nomads...up and go at any time. Landlords up the rent every 6 months...but our pay don't go up to match with the soaring living expenses, thus leaving us with not much choice but to leave to a more affordable alternative. I'm so gonna miss the convenience and the lifestyle of living in this place. So close to everywhere...work, city, shopping, food!
I miss my family...I know I will be going home in 3 weeks time, but I know this trip home will be very emotional for me. Such a big part of me longs to be at home with the family...but the other parts know very well to be practical and do what is right. I hate being a grown up when things are not as easy anymore. Thank God I have a partner whom I can count on to be family for me here. Without him, I wouldn't be able to survive the last few horrible weeks. I complained, whined, whinged...but yet through it all he stood by me and just kept reassuring me that tomorrow will be a better day. I am fed up with my current work situation...makes me very upset. I work very well with my boss but I really cannot see any future for me in that role anymore. I fear going to work...I don't like my boss treating me so nicely because that will only make me feel more guilty and I could end up staying on in this job. I wish I'd be able to do something drastically unacceptable so that I'd be asked to leave...stupid thinking...but what more can I ask for to kill the guilt?
1 comment:
Man, it must be really difficult for you. I somewhat experienced the moving from one office to another but not as bad as what you're facing. It is good that you have your partner to stand by you, i admire how you appreciate it too by voicing it all out. I do hope to meet you when you get back though, and i certainly hope for your sake that things start going well. Otherwise, you'll go crazy...
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