Saturday, May 30, 2009

And it starts again...

When I'm stressed, I tend to have the inclination to go and splurge on beautiful things. Can't really explain how shopping elevates my mood within seconds but it just does. The thing is, the causal of my stress at the moment is not having enough time to finish my work hence suffering the effects of these pressure. If I brave myself, put my work on hold and go shopping anyway, I know I will have no time to finish my work, but will be able to steal some time to indulge in some pleasurable activity. But reality is that stress will increase once I orientate myself back into work mode anyway. However, if I cling on to my stress, forget about shopping and force myself to finish the task at hand first, I would continue to run in the stress gear with no fun, and by the time my work finishes, the things I've had my eyes on might just be sold out! And that would mean stress from work plus stress from not getting what I deem as pleasurable = double dose of deadly stress!!

Here I go again...4 weeks into the new semester, I am feeling the familiar familiarity all over again!

Monday, May 25, 2009

Fun-kinda-tiredness


It's been quite a day...
Exhausting...
Draining...
Tiring...
But I quite enjoyed it.

My day started at the clinic where drilling started with my supervisor. I must say it was a very constructive session where I got drilled where appropriate and needed. She was actually pretty lenient with such a inadequate supervisee like myself. I sincerely hope that by the end of my supervision with her, I would have learnt a lot from her and able to be a better person at my job.

The next part of my day, I was invited to speak about my experience in surviving Australia as an International student. I was so nervous that one part I just blurted out, "What the hell!" real loudly, hahahah! I spoke so fast that I couldn't put a pause at what I was saying. I must say I felt really honoured being invited to participate in this event with people I used to work with in Brisbane. Brought back lots of memories. I used to view these people being my superior, and out of a sudden, that superiority schema which I set them upon just disappeared. Now it almost feels like we're on the same level. It was a very tiring day but at the end of it, I wished I could engage in that kinda tiredness once more. It's tiredness that I can put a period and go home not thinking about work for tomorrow. Where else as a student, my days are never ending, in that when I get home today, I still have to finish my work for tomorrow and prepare for tomorrow's lesson and that sucks! My day rolls on and on, and on and on... Suck big time!

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Talent or Skill??

Sometimes I wonder if talents were given to match our predestined life?

Look, I really don't know if I have the talent to do what I am suppose to do...On the other hand I have so much more talent to do the things I wish I could do. People always say skills can be trained and sharpened. But why must my blunted skills be sharpened? Why can't I just use my already sharpened skills to cope in life? Is the grass always greener on the other side and that is why we are always usually tempted to bring out the part of us which is there but not quite there? We do this because we think this path would lead us to a better life rather than using the resources that we already have?

Between A and B, I honestly prefer B...but I have to complete A before I can get to B. I don't really need to complete A to get to B but since I've already started with A, I might as well complete it at the finishing line. By then hopefully B will still be an option and resources would still be there for B to come to success.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Dear Student

Sleep is starting to become a problem (again) these days. The new semester had only commenced last week and already after jotting down deadlines and expectations from lecturers, supervisor, and course mates, I find myself counting sheep with (unsuccessful) attempts to sleep...

I know pretty damn well that this semester will be hectic and I will not be able to afford sleep any lesser than what I am already lacking. I think I sorta, kinda know the roots to my problem. Am I setting too high expectations for myself that they become somewhat unrealistic, hence I overwhelm myself, which in turn caused so much uncalled for worries resulting in disturbance in sleep?

I don't want to lose my holistic experience of being back in KL to some mere academic expectations that I forsake other departments of my life. Already some things in my life is being at high risk, as I take a dramatic hold. Education to me has never been about books and lessons. It should include fun and the experience of here and now! What happened to the laid back, easy-going, stress-free girl I used to know?

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Slow Down Mr Speedy!

I thought I'd have the privilege to post more entries describing my adjustment back to KL etc. Little did I know, being back here is no privilege, and Internet has got to be the worst thing I've ever battled with. After so many months, still nothing works. Out of my neighbour's kindness and generosity, I'm still able to use his connection, with his permission. But using something that does not belong to oneself means my flexibility is dependent on the owner. I have to work my "surfing" schedule around his. As much as I'm grateful for his kindness, being snapped off the Internet is not fun at all whilst in the middle of important tasks (by important I don't mean blog surfing or facebooking...I mean academic-related work). Due to my current circumstance, blogging has really been forced to take on secondary priority. Not like blogging has always been my priority, anyway. As much as I try, it just somehow do not seem to feel that important to me these days. I miss those days when I had the luxury to pen down my feelings and happenings in conservative diary-style. I remember days back in the good old school days where I would religiously jot down, and reflect on my daily happenings before I crawl into bed each night. Nowsdays as I go through my busy, nasty days, I often find myself rehearsing lines for my journal entries, but in my busy schedule, I almost find no time to sit down to reflect on my day on a daily basis. Such is life when it gets a little too speedy...

Friday, May 15, 2009

Am I who you think I am?

Stressors in life can throw you off-center, can it? As such, things that we don't need in life, we choose to eliminate. Coming from a people-pleaser personality, and the humanistic perspective, I have always thought of the need to accept people for who they are. I guess this view came from my limitted exposure to the specturm of people in our society. As naive as it may sound, I had always thought I have to agree with the people I care, and by agreeing, I should put their happiness first. Putting their happiness first, meaning to be like a loyal dog who does what is asked of the master - "sit here", "wag your tail", "keep going", "pee now", "stupid dog", "fetch it", "go now!", "good dog". Yes, to be like a dog. To those who matters to me, and I know appreciate me for who I am, I don't mind being a dog to them, but to some who are condescending, demanding, domineering, and authorotarian, maybe next time, ya?? Maybe one day when I'm self-actualised and reached my enlightenment. Till then, good riddence my condescending friend! =)

Friday, May 01, 2009

Labour Day

To all Labourers out there...GOOD DAY! =)

S for Shopping...

TEA & SYMPATHY
OPPSIE DAISY
BLUEBERRY
MOCA
MOOIE
GOSSIP

Catchy names they are...I spent the afternoon loitering around Bangsar going in and out, up and down shop lots, going through collections after collections of clothes to pick a few which made me very happy. Why not shop, when apparently shopping is way cheaper than paying to see a psychologist!

I don't know...it's not easy not feeling stressed anymore these days. Stress seems to be a constant, ongoing thing that when it stops, I feel odd. I feel like it's somehow not right and I need to surrounded by some sorta stress to make my life "normal".

Geez someone, give me some super, uber, ultra good news to make me feel like a bunch of floating balloons again, please??!?!??!?!

Till then, a shopaholic I shall be! ;)