Saturday, February 27, 2010

V for Victory!

What you said to me last night made me renew to a greater length of my admiration towards your courage and your determinism to stay focused and not lose sight. You've boldly declare how badly you've been wanting this, that this has become the be-all and end-all of you...

I know how much this means to you, and believe me when I say I admire your courage and your determinism. As such, I give my word to you...I promise that I will never let you ever go down without a fight. Should you one day lose all energy to keep going, I will stop running my own race, and I will push you from your behind to ensure that you finish the race victoriously!

Thursday, February 25, 2010

S for Shit Supervision

It's gonna be a venting entry...

I had the worst supervision ever! Yes, EVER! I'm not exaggerating, only stating the fact!
One of my videos was reviewed by my supervisor, which I was big time surprised by the transcript she's written because the 4 pages full of scribbles would only mean that she had been concentrating in front of the monitor to note my expressions as well as listened to every single word I uttered as I conducted my session. I was both very grateful and impressed that she took me so seriously that my trail of endless mistakes/faults due to my incompetence and inadequacy were jotted down one by one and then processed during supervision, which lasted for approximately 45 minutes. In the 45 minutes with her as we went through my "ares of improvement", the feeling was not nice! On one hand I felt like I was being punished as my mistakes were picked out one by one with no mercy at all, but then on the other hand, I felt like my wound were being cleaned and dressed to perfection by a gentle and caring supervisor. I must admit that I have never felt this way for a while.

As I reflect upon what I did which were (mostly) wrong in the last session, I really cannot pinpoint it to anything at all. Though I feel incompetent but my confidence is not hampered. I know I am inadequate, but I am not at all limiting myself to absorbing as much knowledge as I possibly can. I kept reminding myself that I have done this before, I used to do it so well, and therefore there is no reason for such carelessness or decline in skills. I know I am capable!

Right now, I feel like an ant. I know an ant may be small and could not be noticed by many before being stepped and ignored. But on the flip side of it, I know what an ant is capable of. An ant is hardworking and wise! I may look like a fool in the eyes of my supervisor now, but at least I am teachable and I strive to improve. If anything, this had renewed my impression on supervision and on my work in general - to take this seriously, damn seriously! and also take pride in the job I do. My past experience with supervision were most of the time pleasant and pleasing. This whole new experience had given me a refreshing start which I am confident that it will only make me better!

"Ants are creatures of little strength, yet they store up their food in the summer." Proverbs 30:25

"Go to the ant, you sluggard, consider its ways and be wise! It has no commander, no overseer or ruler, yet it stores its provisions in summer and gathers its food at harvest." Proverbs 6:6-7

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

What is it?

Weekday birthdays:
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Throw you a party this weekend, yeah? Too much hassle to have it today seeing that it's Monday, bad traffic everywhere and moreover tomorrow we'll have to wake up early for work! So, see you this weekend!" --> But a person's birthday only happens once a year, even so can't you make that little sacrifice to celebrate it on the day itself?

Have not found the "perfect" gift (yet):
"Hey, I'm so sorry I have not found the perfect gift for you! I've looked around a few shopping malls and still can't find something fitting for you! Owe it to you first, ya...I have something in mind for you, once I get my hands on them, I'd send it to you right away!" --> Really? You have been looking? If you know jolly well that you need to get a gift for a certain occasion by a certain date, can't you take the effort to start looking and organise yourself a little earlier? Well if it is important to you, I don't see why not!

Monetary gifts:
"Here's a small red packet for you! I figured I'm lousy at getting gifts, would be much better than I gave you some cash and you can go spoil yourself." --> Lousy at getting gifts or just another excuse for being lazy? Don't you want the person to remember you by that something you went through great lengths to get him/her?

Combined celebration:
"Since it's your birthday and our anniversary this month, let's have a double celebration at one go! We'd go and have a fancy dinner end of this month to celebrate both occasions so we won't need to crack our heads to think of where to go for two separate events!" --> Hmmm, this is unfair! The person did not ask for her birthday to be two days before her anniversary, did she? Two separate occasions deserve two separate celebrations. It's definitely not a hassle, it's another reason for celebration!

How do you justify these situations? Are these genuine responses or responses for convenience's sake? Is it our lifestyle? Is it because we are trapped in the hussle and bustle of our busy-bee society, which makes us become less thoughful and more of a slacker? I have no idea, I sometimes find myself being trapped in such excuses as well. But when I think of how important that person is to me, I try to go the extra mile to make the person feel special. I know sometimes we can't help it due to our busy schedules and what not. As I am expressing my thoughts at the moment, I can't help but feel extremely guilty for all the birthdays of special people I missed especially in the last year. Things that have passed unfortunately I cannot change, however I am fortunate for today and many tomorrows. As such, I shall try to mark down those special days and make sure they don't go unnoticed! ;)

Friday, February 12, 2010

North, South, East or West?

Have you ever felt like a little mouse chasing after a piece of cheese dangling in front of you? That's a bit of what I'm feeling now. In fact, there is not only a single block of cheese in front of me, there are multiple. All equally nice tasting, and all equally as high quality. What do you do when situation is calling for you to choose one of of the many? Although being given the hint that they all taste equally as good and maintain an equal high standard, how would you go about picking the best piece for you? Most importantly, how do you know what you have picked will serve as the best for you?

Sometimes, the best thing to do is really just to listen to your heart. But what do you do when your heart is not saying anything to you? It's all a matter of timing, really? Does that mean I keep sitting on it and eventually something might happen? I would like to think that I want it hard enough and therefore sacrifices are worth the while. But the thing now is that whichever way I choose, I seem to be sacrificing something anyway. OMG...life is complicated? I want to live a simple life! Or Simpler! :p

Tuesday, February 09, 2010

The Month of February...

Is it an advantage or a disadvantage that Chinese New Year 2010, so happen to fall on the same day as Valentine's Day??!?!? Is it going to be a double celebration or a deprieved celebration? Will I be seeing more red roses on the streets or more red packets in the bag? :p

Tuesday, February 02, 2010

Your happiness is mine too...

I'm not one who likes to show off, simply because it's simple enough that I know I'm not. I know how uncomfortable it is for the receiving party when people brag on about what's new and dear to them. Although I know sometimes that we cannot help but get so caught up in our own happiness that we put others down or unconsciously describe ourselves in lingo such as "us" versus "them". I know I don't like to be put in such situation and therefore, I am very careful as not to put anyone through such agony.

However, this is slowly becoming a problem for me as nowadays I adopt the idea that whenever I share good news with others, I am highlighting my happiness, and that to me is almost becoming a taboo. It's almost like me telling people about my success would mean that I'm putting myself on the pedestal. As a result, many at times, I find that I hesitate a lot to share good news with others. I'm not sure if I cannot or I dare not express myself. "Cannot" because I'm afraid that I may offend others who are probably not on the same boat as myself and "dare not" for the fear of losing such happiness too early, too soon.

So what exactly is my problem? I cannot be happy for myself? I cannot express happiness? This sometimes frustrates me as I hear other people brag and go on and on and on about their satisfaction in life. When they do tell me something pleasant about their lives/jobs/relationships/families/etc, I do get very excited for them. In fact, I love to hear happy reports from poeple. I really do feel happy for them and I genuinely smile from the inside as I embrace their news as my own. It's really effortless for me to be happy for others, but how come when it comes to dealing with my own happiness, I feel a sense of guardedness??