I had the worst supervision ever! Yes, EVER! I'm not exaggerating, only stating the fact!
One of my videos was reviewed by my supervisor, which I was big time surprised by the transcript she's written because the 4 pages full of scribbles would only mean that she had been concentrating in front of the monitor to note my expressions as well as listened to every single word I uttered as I conducted my session. I was both very grateful and impressed that she took me so seriously that my trail of endless mistakes/faults due to my incompetence and inadequacy were jotted down one by one and then processed during supervision, which lasted for approximately 45 minutes. In the 45 minutes with her as we went through my "ares of improvement", the feeling was not nice! On one hand I felt like I was being punished as my mistakes were picked out one by one with no mercy at all, but then on the other hand, I felt like my wound were being cleaned and dressed to perfection by a gentle and caring supervisor. I must admit that I have never felt this way for a while.
As I reflect upon what I did which were (mostly) wrong in the last session, I really cannot pinpoint it to anything at all. Though I feel incompetent but my confidence is not hampered. I know I am inadequate, but I am not at all limiting myself to absorbing as much knowledge as I possibly can. I kept reminding myself that I have done this before, I used to do it so well, and therefore there is no reason for such carelessness or decline in skills. I know I am capable!
Right now, I feel like an ant. I know an ant may be small and could not be noticed by many before being stepped and ignored. But on the flip side of it, I know what an ant is capable of. An ant is hardworking and wise! I may look like a fool in the eyes of my supervisor now, but at least I am teachable and I strive to improve. If anything, this had renewed my impression on supervision and on my work in general - to take this seriously, damn seriously! and also take pride in the job I do. My past experience with supervision were most of the time pleasant and pleasing. This whole new experience had given me a refreshing start which I am confident that it will only make me better!
"Ants are creatures of little strength, yet they store up their food in the summer." Proverbs 30:25
"Go to the ant, you sluggard, consider its ways and be wise! It has no commander, no overseer or ruler, yet it stores its provisions in summer and gathers its food at harvest." Proverbs 6:6-7
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