Tuesday, July 05, 2011

Lucky Reality?

It is a familiar feeling I think I've experienced before. Years back when most of my other school mates were entrusted by their parents to take care of themselves by being allowed to go around town commuting via public transport, my parents never allowed me to do so. They made sure I was dropped off and picked up from meeting places I've arranged in advance to meet my mates. They would make me wait in the car until one of my friends was visible to their eyes before letting me off the car. I used to beg my parents for more trust and begged for more freedom. Right now, looking back I can't believe how my parents made life so much simpler for me. I was lucky.

The familiar kind of feeling floods me right now as I enjoy my life as a going-to-be-28-year-old. Unlike most people my age who are expected a queue of responsibilities on their lists, I on the other hand feel like I am as free as a bird. No pressure from whosoever to do whatever that I wouldn't want to do. In fact life is easy and way too much freedom. But could it be that I am running away from the reality of life or is it because I've yet again got the lucky way out?

Sunday, July 03, 2011

Selfish is me...

Chasing dreams, earning a living, taking a break...whatever you may call it. Living away from home essentially sums up my life at the moment. Lots of tears I have shed during the last six months. Life away from home has been terribly difficult. I eat by myself, sometimes I end up eating nothing. I cry myself to bed thinking about what I'm missing out back at home. I walk the familiar streets of this island and I wished my other half was right there next to me. When I turn my head and a stranger looked at me coldly, I tear. I complain. And I complain all the time, that people are rude, colleagues are nasty, friends are fake. I keep complaining. I cry, I complain, I become a baby. I want things my way. But, things are in my way. I had a choice, I chose this path. Enough. Enough of acting like a baby because it isn't fair. It isn't fair to him. He never chose to have his partner live her live away from his. It's equally as difficult for him. Yet every ounce of his energy is used to soothe me, to make me feel better, to support my weak soul. It's time to wake up from my ignorent slumber of being a fucking baby. Stop it because it is nothing but selfish. You fucking useless baby!