Don't Wanna Grow Up...

These few weeks had been hectic and will continue on till I know for sure what I'll be doing with my life. I have too many things on my plate - packing for the move, getting ready for my trip home, mind-organising dad's 50th birthday bash, work stress and not to forget the lingering pain of the ultimate decision as to go home or to stay!

At times like this, when I have too many things happening at once, I always feel very emotional and weak...maybe it's an indication that I am indeed weak. I know I will get through it (as I usually do!), but it just very mind boggling when having so many things to attend to at once.

In another weekend, we will be out of our current place - 4/95 Berry Street...I will surely and sadly miss this place. Lots of memories, lots of love, and lots of joy shared...I'm so over moving from one place to another, but this has become a norm for renters like us - we live like nomads...up and go at any time. Landlords up the rent every 6 months...but our pay don't go up to match with the soaring living expenses, thus leaving us with not much choice but to leave to a more affordable alternative. I'm so gonna miss the convenience and the lifestyle of living in this place. So close to everywhere...work, city, shopping, food!

I miss my family...I know I will be going home in 3 weeks time, but I know this trip home will be very emotional for me. Such a big part of me longs to be at home with the family...but the other parts know very well to be practical and do what is right. I hate being a grown up when things are not as easy anymore. Thank God I have a partner whom I can count on to be family for me here. Without him, I wouldn't be able to survive the last few horrible weeks. I complained, whined, whinged...but yet through it all he stood by me and just kept reassuring me that tomorrow will be a better day. I am fed up with my current work situation...makes me very upset. I work very well with my boss but I really cannot see any future for me in that role anymore. I fear going to work...I don't like my boss treating me so nicely because that will only make me feel more guilty and I could end up staying on in this job. I wish I'd be able to do something drastically unacceptable so that I'd be asked to leave...stupid thinking...but what more can I ask for to kill the guilt?

Another Level of Maturity

My sorrow at work will end by tomorrow, but through the whole ordeal, I have found a new level of maturity. As much as I whined and complained about work, I would never in my life wished for someone to lose their jobs. My colleague has finally tendered her resignation. I cannot help but feel guilty...guilty that I have put her in such a terrible position that she chose to give up her job! She had complained that she had been given "cold shoulder" of late...I can't help but feel that I have been hit right in the head. True I have stopped chatting to her, but the reason behind it was so that she can learn to concentrate and focus as she admitted that those were her major problems distracting her work. There is a fine line between power and bullying...I don't think I like being given the dirty job of supervising someone. Power or bully?? It sucks...it makes you feel like you are the most nasty person in the world! Then again, through it all, I have matured another level...accepting another aspect of life...you just cannot please everyone...sometimes when it comes to the crunch it really boils down to either she dies or I die.

By-the-way, today marks exactly 2 years of my contribution to the company. In 2 years time, I have gone through 3 colleagues...something much be so wrong with me that i expressed loyalty...I think it's time to up and go...no point showing loyalty in staying in a place where there is no opportunity for growth, and unappreciative management. My boss thinks that after "getting rid" of my colleague, my work life would recover and be less stressful. This is like history repeating itself, when my other colleague left last year, I had to do the job of 2 persons...i expressed how stressful it was...but doesn't seem like anyone cares? Because I will have to be doing this again and knowing the management of this company, no new staff until one is exhausted. I need not exhaust myself again...I am looking forward to leaving this routine behind...Thanks but no thanks!

Father's Love

Let me share a story...

Once upon a time, there was a girl who finished 3rd in class when she was in Standard 6 and as a result, dad had a golden question for her, "Now tell me, what can I reward you for your excellent results?", The girl had all along wanted to join her friends roller-blading at a nearby park but unfortunately, she did not own a pair of roller-blades at that time. So, she quietly blurted out from the corner of her lips, "Can I have a pair of roller-blades?" Dad's instant reaction was, "Great, we shall go shopping for a pair of roller-blades for you soon!" Too ecstatic by t he news, this girl had her smile from cheek-to-cheek plastered on her face for the rest of the day.

Along came the special day, finally it was THE day for the girl to go shopping with dad for a pair of roller-blades. She is thinking in her heart, "Not long before I hit the blading rink with all the other kids!" Dad specially took a day off work to accompany his precious daughter to shop for the ideal pair of roller-blades. All this girl wanted was a pair of roller-blades which had its tiny wheels in one line and a pair that fitted her feet. Being 12, she suggested that they start off at Toys"R"Us because she had had her eyes on them for the longest time. She knew exactly which aisle to run down to and had her eyes fixed on a pair of pink one (admittedly quite childish looking). She was also very considerate for her age as she didn't want her dad to spend a fortune on the gift. This pair that she saw, was tagged at $120-00 and she thinks to herself, "perfect!", hoping dad agrees to it to. She just stood there, smiling at that pair of blades on display like a child craving a lolly for being good. Dad carefully walked down the aisle, inspecting each pair of roller-blades, doing his homework in learning what is good and what is not. After staring at the little beauty for all about 15 minutes, she felt nervous as her dad has not shown any indication of making a purchase. Without even trying, dad dragged the girl out of the store saying, "These roller blades here are made for children! You are having a pair that does a good job or nothing at all!" Sulking with disappointment, the girl thought to herself, "I don't think I'll be joining the rest of the girls at the park this weekend afterall, doesn't look like dad's convinced in getting me a pair. Is $120-00 too expensive? Maybe this is just too big of an ask!"

Still sulking, dad and the girl entered a sports shop which carried all the branded sporting gears. Dad looked, while the girl stood quietly in the corner, trying to be at her best behaviour. Dad started engaging in conversation with the sales assistant while I look on. He told the sales person, "My daughter finished 3rd in class, I promised her I'll get her a pair of roller blades, so we are shopping around." They even got into the teachnical parts of the blades which I never even heard of. They sales person introduced us to numerous brands and briefed us on the differences and the what-nots of different makes. I stood there, pretended to listen, as all I wanted was a pair of blades that would let me blade like other girls. In my heart I hated this guy for blabbering non-stop to dad. Stop it already! As predicted, they continued on.

Waiting anxiously, finally dad is happy with one particular brand and he's given the green lights for this guy to bring a pair in the girl's size so she can have a go at it. Dad asked her which pair she wanted to try out of the range in this brand. She pointed at the marroon pair. Had them on and loved them. As dad looked at his girl standing up pretty wobbly in the pair of blades, it suddenly triggered another question, "I don't think this pair is good enough girl, the wheels cannot be changed!". The girl replied, "But I don't care dad, as long as I can go to the park in them!". Dad almost ignorning what the girl's response, asked the sales person to bring them through a selection roller-blades with changeable wheels. And he did as told. Dad picked out a metallic blue one and asked if his daughter liked them. The girl politely replied, "They are too expensive dad!". Dad again ignored her had asked for the appropriate size so that the girl can try them on. After fitted them on, she looked so proud as if to say she was flying in the air.

Dad looked impressed by this pair, but the girl was concerned when she saw the price tag of $380 marked on it. She knows she doesn't need such an expensive pair as she is no expert of any sort and merely wanted it for hobby's sake. When dad was about to make payment, he suddenly remembered of something too enormously important to forget, "What about safety guards? You know this kind of things are very dangerous and if she falls, which she more than likely will, she will leave scars on her skin. I don't want to buy her something that will leave her scars. Moreover she's a girl, she cannot have scars all over her, can she?" Sales person acknowledged and showed dad all the safety equipment available in the store. Dad picked out the most expensive, which also means thickest of thick paddings for a wrist-palm guard and a knee guard. Dad even wanted to pick out a pair of helmet, but the girl just wouldn't agree to it. So in the end, it was the pair of blades, wrist-palm guards and knee guards. All packed and paid for. Before the girl left the shop, the sales assistant made a comment that made her feel overly guilty. He said, "You are one very lucky girl, for your dad to spend so much money on a pair of roller blades for a beginner like yourself!" Shy and blushing was I, I left the shop with a smile that never left my face for the longest time.

The girl was me. This had happened more than 10 years ago, but I can remember each moment of it ever so clearly. I was so touched that my dad took my interest so seriously, and mean every word he says. I'm not trying to show off or to tell the world that I own a pair of expensive roller blades. What I am trying to express is the genuine, fatherly love only a father shows. My dad is well known for being very careful with his money but yet whenever it comes to me, everything has to be nothing less than best! He had given me so much over the years that I feel so honored and proud to have such loving and generous parents. I have always told my parents, should there be a next life, I don't want to be born to parents who are more famous, much wealthier, or better looking, I simply want these two back as my parents. The love that is shared in our family is extraordinary. Nothing too special, but these two parents just keep constantly giving the very best to their ability to their daughter. For this I honor them and I thank them from the very bottom of my heart!

Love XOXO
MichelleC~*

Glamorous Work Station

Welcome to my new work-station! Currently being demoted to the archive room in the dungeon...Boring, filthy, dusty, smelly, and all sorts of descriptions to fit a room filled with nothing else but files! Oh, wait a minute there was also a step ladder, boxes for storing files temporarily, and other marketing materials. So much for work place health and safety!

I have spent majority of 2 days filing and archiving students files from last year. My body is starting to ache now, not to mention the cuts all over from those stupid metal fastener and staples! If you have not experienced working in an archive room, it's seriously not funny at all! Reaching up high, bending down low...looking at names to sort them in alphabetical order, after a while all you see is just *^#%$@&^#*#&$*^&%@^#%^*$&!! If I see another student by the family name of WONG, I will drop dead! I just could not believe there are so many WONGS in a semester!

Thank your lucky stars if filing/archiving is not part of your very generous job description!

Sorry guys, yet another boring work post.

p/s: John's coming back from New Zealand tomorrow...hopefully he will help me stay sane! ;)

Michelle Officially HATES HER JOB!

It has been made official, I HATE MY JOB!!

Let's take a stroll down my mundane full time job as a Senior Enrolments Officer (the glamorous title) aka All Rounder Admin Shit Taker (the real job description)...

0900 --> Arrive at work, log on to the computer and click "send and receive" on outlook (this will determine how well the rest of my day goes)...on a good day, I'd only receive 2 emails, which one is from mom (yay!) and the other from another ordinary full-of-demands client (boo!). On a bad day it could easily add up to 10 emails from dangerous-strangers!

0930 --> Clicking on "send and receive" again to hopefully receive a reply from my mom. But rest assured more emails will start pouring in at this time.

1000 --> Spend some time searching for a student's file among all the hundreds of the other students' files (yes, due to some person's incompetent capability in filing, this has become almost a daily routine for me!).

1030 --> Assess Applications (which merely means screening results of students to make sure they have met the correct requirements for entry into our programs.

1100 --> Start to warm up the printer as I start issuing offer letters for students.

1200 --> Scan all offer letters onto my computer and start sending very-polite emails to agents advising application statuses for their students.

1300 --> Boring data entry...all applications/offers have to be entered into the system so that other staff can have access to students' information.

1400 --> Most exciting 30 minutes of my day at work...LUNCH TIME!! *WooHoo*

1430 --> Hit "send and receive" again, yet again crossing my fingers that mom replies or entertains me with some happy news from home.

1500 --> Start the ball rolling again...same old shit of what I do from 1100 - 1300.

1700 --> Clocking off for home sweet home!

Mind you, in between my "normal" mundane duties I will still need to do some MORE mundane jobs like filing all because of an honorable statement from the boss, "Michelle, I would prefer that you be the one transferring all the past students files into the archive room because I don't trust that she will be able to file them in the correct order!" (WTF, again, eating someone else's shit!). I also have been given the honor to eves drop on telephone conversations, "Michelle, can you make sure you listen in on all her telephone conversations, because I don't think she's very confident on the phone!". I must also double check all the letters she generates because, "Michelle, can you please make sure all letters she created be checked before leaving the office? I cannot have more mistakes from this office floating out of this office anymore!" Gee, am I being punished for being too capable or what?!?!?!?!?

I have been so pissed that I have came up with this great temporary solution. I told my boss, "I will not talk to her anymore unless necessary because I don't want to distract her from her work which may then cause more mistakes and more clean-ups on my bahalf." My boss' reply, "That's a great idea!". I am so pissed that I cannot find the pleasure to speak to her anymore. Each time I speak to her, I wanna ask her this question, "Woman, do you ever learn?!?!?!?!??!" I know I sound nasty, wait till you work with her and let me know if you can tolerate all these punishments as a consequence of an incompetent colleague.

That is it...the final draw, I am officially pissed and this will be the end of my career in the admin world! And I bloody mean it! It is a shame because initially I quite like the routine of this job as there is not much stress involved and a super-uber nice boss, but these days there is not one day I come home without thinking how bloody unfair this really is!

On a lighter side, my ever-sweet boss cooked me tea for dinner. She baked lasagna last night and she brought me a container full for dinner. She had it packed nicely in a container with my name written on a post-it note tags on the container and then sent me an email letting me know that she had my dinner ready for me in the fridge! This sort of very kind boss only comes once in a lifetime, I reckon! She said, "I know John cooks your tea, now that he is away in NZ for work, we have to make sure you are eating healthy, Michelle!" Isn't she sweet? Yes, she is...

I'm not happy

I'm usually pretty tolerant at work. Seldom complain and seldom bring my burden from work away from work. These days the wind must have changed directions and I have been buggered with shit from work! Now, can someone tell me what is the logic behind being hardworking, responsible, reliable and consistent at work? One should be rewarded, right? Now I'm feeling the opposite! I have been sharing an office (and workload) with a colleague who is very young and immature. She is blur, inconsistent, has memory like a sieve, doesn't show initiative, doesn't take things seriously and slow. I don't mean this in a nasty way at all or have any intentions in putting myself on the pedestal. I'm just being honest, this person just does not have what it takes to keep an office functioning, and there is nothing wrong with that. Everyone is made differently, and we all just have to accept it as it is. It's coming up to 8 months now, after being in a company for 8 months and yet unsure about the products sold by the company is ridiculous! Worse than that, this person doesn't know how to even file in alphabetical order (*faint*). We, or at least I have tried so damn hard, bending over backwards to make things easier for her by spoon feeding her, setting up templates for her, explaining everything in a detailed manner, writing and highlighting information, composing step- by-step guidelines...still apparently, we have to give her a second chance by starting from afresh as a new slate!?!?!?!?!?!? WTF?!?!?!??!? 8 freaking months and still we have to babysit her?!?!?!?!? Not we, but I!! Because of her incompetency, I have been instructed to cross check her work, explain everything to her patiently and in detail, take over her work which requires interaction with external parties!! I'm furious!! Is this world unfair or what?!?!?!? Just because she is incompetent and I am, I have to cover her back, eat her shit and be at the firing-line?!?!?!?!? Fucking ridiculous!! How come people who are not pulling their weights get protected and sheltered where as people who work really hard get more shit on their plates?!?!?!?!? One person working as one and a half is not fair...as much as I've been told how much I'm being appreciated, I don't think it works this way...

Now you choose, either she gets fired or I'm gone!

That brings me to the question: Is it worth the while for being competent at work?!?!?!?!?

Few secrets revealed...

Michelle still adores Hello Kitty as much as she did when she was 6!!

















Michelle lives with a sadistic guy who finds pleasure out of vacuum packing soft toys!













Michelle has a very bad habit of collecting paper bags (but sadly they will all have to be abandoned as we are moving and apparently there will not be space to accommodate the pretty but useless paper bags!).










Michelle has a collection of expired chocolates as a consequence of their cuteness, they look to good to be biten, let alone digested...












Michelle recently went horse-riding for the first time in her life and was extremely proud to think that she got along pretty well with horses...at least she did not end up in a puddle of muddy-mud!















Michelle has a pet bunny (it's illegal in Queensland, nevertheless she managed to smuggle one in with her!).

Just a thought

I am a Malaysian. A very proud one I must say, ask John and he will tell you I am so very Malaysian in so many ways. Unfortunately (or fortunately) this very-Malaysian is dating a non-Malaysian! Not just any n0n-Malaysian but a Malaysian rival --> Singaporean! These Singaporeans are so proud of their country and so supportive of their government which makes me quite envious at times. I wish my country would practise equal opportunity and fair-go like our neighbouring country. Unless in my dreams, I don't think these thoughts would come to realisation in the real world.

Lately, I've been receiving emails regarding Malaysia as a country for all but the wrong reasons, which truly is quite embarrassing and upsetting. This morning I received yet another email along the lines of racism. This is disgusting, outraging and horrifying to know! To know that the country I love is openly practising racism and unfair dismisals in public; as if to say we don't need all you second-class citizens contributing in our country! It saddened me to think that all along I was led to believe that I was appreciated as a citizen, and when we sang the national anthem together, we were one! Clearly this is a myth, isnt't it?

I then remembered one of my friends who was torn between Malaysian and Australian PR a while ago. Because she was like me, so "patriotic" and so "proud" to be a Malaysian. She thought if she rang the department of immigration in Malaysia, they may have mercy on her patriotism and would make an exception for the idea of dual-citizenship or even just a Malaysian PR visa. She was totally disgusted by the outcome of the telephone conversation that she applied to change her citizenship on the same day! She found out that as long as you are not practising the national religion, you are not welcome in Malaysia as a visitor, let alone a citizen! I was gobsmacked when she revealed the news to me that and my jaw dropped in shock! I knew all along I'm classed as a second class citizen back home beacuse of the colour of my skin and my religion, but I never knew they were so brutally blunt about the whole issue! This made me think...is the big G trying change the country into a one-race country? Will they be able to run the country without the help of us second-class citizens? What about "semangat perpaduan"? Different races living happily under one roof?

I must say I love my country, not so much the happenings in it but in general, I love the place I grew up and the friends I made in my country which makes me proud to be a Malaysian! I could change my citizenship if I like, but I can never change where I was born and the value instilled in myself all these years. It's sad but I think when it comes to the crunch, unless my beloved country shows some greatfulness for what my ancestors had contributed to the country generations after generations, it would be a very easy decision to chuck away the red passport and have it changed to a navy blue one!

Lost

Now Farah and I seem to be the only two lost people in this big fat world.

If you have a goal and working towards something in life, if you are focused and know what you want in life, if you are determined and work very hard for what you want, then good on you! =) (and I truly mean it!)

Being lost and confused is not a very pleasant feeling. For those who don't have this problem to worry about, here you'll get a taste of it. It feels like your time is ticking super fast and you are running out of time but yet not knowing the answer to the big question in life, "What would you like to be when you grow up?" Do you get questions like that while growing up? I surely did, each year before we commence the school curriculum for the year we'd be pulled up one by one by our class teacher with this golden question, "What would you like to be when you grow up?" Now as far as I can remember these were the few ambitions that I have put my hand up for before: Teacher, Lawyer, Doctor, Air Stewardess, Architect, Psychologist. How did I end up having these ambitions?

Teacher - According to my mom, every young girl would have this ambition at at least one stage of her life. I'm guessing because it is the earliest exposure we get from seeing our own teachers at work, having the whole class wrapped around her little finger.

Lawyer - I grew up all the first few years of primary school being pulled to sit next to the teacher in class simply because I talk too much and was such a distraction to other students. And teachers always have this stupid comment about me growing up as a lawyer one day because I talk so much. These teachers obviously have no idea what a lawyer does? Anyway, this have sorta got into me thinking "Great, all I need to do it to talk and I'll be a lawyer, I should be a lawyer then!"

Doctor - Who wouldn't want to be the person in the white coat and a stethoscope hanging over her neck? Sometimes with a needle to poke into some naughty girl's bottom too! Each time when I feel unwell, I go to the doctor and he/she will treat me, give me a lollipop and well I become! Therefore doctor came along too.

Air Stewardess - My first trip to HK with my grandma when I was a kid. I was just mesmerized by how beautiful this particular air stewardess was and I told my grandma, "popo, when I grow up I want to be just like this beautiful jea-jea, work in an airplane and fly all over the world!"

Architect - Was my dad's ambition. Don't know how it became mine along the way.

Phychologist - I wanted to be a counsellor actually but guess psychologist sounds more sophisticated, that was why it was chosen.

Well, now I'm neither of any of the above mentioned! Sometimes I feel very inferior the fact that I have not achieved anything concrete since I left school. What do I do? I cannot waste anymore time and I definitely cannot be lingering around doing nothing. I have resorted to believing that everything happens for a reason. Being lost is very tiring and very confusing. Don't know how logical this may sound but I guess being in the state of "lostness" is when we are being prepared for the "harvest". Don't know what I'll be harvesting but it has to be something good. In a few years I will look back and laugh at this experience. For as long as I have lived, I have not heard of someone being lost all his/her live. Therefore, I think this has to be temporary. I will end up somewhere one day, and it will be good. All will be planned and all will work out. I just need to hang in there and wait for my turn. When it comes, I will be so prepared that I will have a goal to work towards!

Nomore ambitions for me, it's time for the real world! At least now I know what I'm looking for in my next real world job:

1) Travel would be good
2) Contact with people
3) I've started to feel comfortable in the tertiary education sector
4) No desk-bound please
5) Company which cares to its employees
6) Professional dress code
7) Nice colleagues
8) No repetitive data entry please
9) Flexible working style
10) Flexible working hours

Maybe one day I will have an ambition again. Hopefully by then I will know what I really want in life! Till then I will keep hanging on...

Surprise gone sour...

I should be writing this from the Marriott Hotel in Gold Coast tonight however, thanks to a surprise that had gone sour I am writing this entry from the comfort of my own home tonight!

Last week Friday, John and I would have known each other for 5 years! In celebration of the 5th year into our relationship, John has decided to pack me a surprise which had to be delayed a week later due my work commitment in Hong Kong.

I arrived back to Brisbane on Tuesday and from then on, John had constantly reminded me to "pack for the evacuation!". I didn't really bother to take him seriously as I thought to myself, some screw in him must have come lose in him! Anyway, last night he finally let the cat out. He told me that he had organised a weekend get-away for the two of us. Therefore I have to pack an overnight bag. And so I did (the next morning, of course!).

First stop of the "evacuation" was a very satisfying Hong Kong breakfast at Sunnybank, followed by shopping trip at Harbour Town, Ice Cream at Movenpick and finally check-in into Marriott Gold Coast.

Upon arrival at the hotel, the front desk staff looked puzzled with the confirmation receipt that John had presented. We looked at him thinking he must have been over-worked! He looked at us again with this look on his face which spelt we were from another planet! And then we looked on the confirmation receipt and it has stated, Check-in date: 19 August 2008, Chek-out date: 20 August 2008! By this time I had to chuckle a laugh which very quickly, within seconds turned into steam blowing out of my ears and red veins popping out of my eyes! Very upset I was at John for being a scatterbrain consistently! Many things I can tolerate but having a scatterbrain which puts him out-of-tune in this moving world is unacceptable in my world!

John has apologised so many times like he had never apologised before! In my heart, he has already been forgiven from the moment we stepped into the hotel - for all the effort, I truly appreciate and am truly touched! But for the scatterbrain part of things, geez louise! Michelle is really not impressed at all! How can anyone ever make such trivial mistake?!?!?!??! This I do not underdstand, which resulted in a silent car ride back to Brisbane immediately! I know this will be something I'd be laughing about days later but the moral of the whole story is that John having a scatterbrain is not acceptable! I have nagged at him so much about being more organised, being more careful with things, being more responsible with his belongings, having more sense of urgency, bla bla bla...obviously all on deaf ears, all in vain...I simply know it now how useless to nag because the John I know is still the John I knew (after 5 long years, nothing has changed!)!

Mannequin Stealer

Came home this evening to find that my pair of mannequin stored in our carpark space missing! I'm a little disturbed the fact that there is a pervert living around this compound who goes around stealing ladies' mannequin?!?!??!?! Don't really make sense but I'm really angry that some random person STOLE MY MANNEQUINS!! Do you know how freaking difficult was it to lug these bulky life-size partial representation molds of the ladies' human body back from KL to Brsibane?!?!?!??!? WHAT THE HELLLLLLLLL!!

p/s: There are some rude little pigs out in this big fat giant world! *Argh!*

P-Plate Swimmer

I cannot swim. Up until today I have attempted several swimming lessons by a few different coaches but still nothing changed --> P-Plate-Swimmer!

Attempted swimming again today. Jessie and I decided to go to QUT Swimming Pool in Gardens Point campus. Was quite nerve wrecking to have "serious swimmers" in the pool.  There were people doing laps, kids swimming in the 1.8 meter pool, and other swimmers training with professional swimmers. I braved myself, dipped in the luke-warm water and started kicking with my head buried under the water. Anyway, there was something I was taught today - lifting my head to breathe! 

For once I feel quite good in the water, like I have achieved something BUT still CANNOT SWIM!! *Shy Shy* Ahahhaha! I was kicking with the help of a kickboard and lifting my head up to scoop air and dip down and exhale through my nose. That was what a did for around about 4 laps (not continuos of course). I tried learning the legs movements for breaststroke, but I think Jessie needs a little more patience with me for quite some time before I coordinate myself to try to stay afloat reminding myself to keep kicking, keep breathing and just keep swimming, hehhe!

Nothing That Don't Kill Me Can Only Make Me STRONGER!

After keeping my silence for a bit more than a week about the "ideal" job that came my way, way too easily from an employer in KL, here is the truth ---> I GOT PLAYED OUT!

Apparently a new investor has joined the board of directors and majority of the board has decided to put a hold on all employment until a later date. I have been extremely patient with them although it took a freaking 5 months for them to come to the conclusion. I patiently sat through a 250 questions personality test, an Excel test, several telephone interview, and reference check between them and my current employer. Thank the Gods of all Gods that I have not done the final thing which is to tender my resignation! Well, I won't be that stupid to be doing that before I receive anything formal from them. But the fact of the matter is that this company has led me to believe that I have been successful in securing this job and that they were "finalising" it and that they will get back to me soon! That aside, it's the principles of this whole ordeal that makes me sick!  

If I was stupid enough to learn nothing from this, I will have to knock it in my head that there are some very atrocious people out there! Needless to say this whole drama of the century has screwed my plans upside down! My thoughts of doing the right thing, to secure a job before relocating home is becoming more and more distant. Sometimes you just have to be realistic - floating on cloud 9 too easily could result in falling off cloud 9 having all hopes deflated! 

There were temptations for me to just stay behind and heck the relocation because at that time that was the easiest thought to entertain. However, I have decided: I WILL BE RELOCATING HOME IN SEPTEMBER 2008! Regardless of tsunami, cyclone or drought! That is what I will be doing. And it is final! "Nothing that don't kill me can only make me STRONGER!"* 

I will accommodate, be flexible and take each day as it comes...

Wish me luck people, my journey of typical job hunting will commence upon my arrival to my homeland... *WooHooYeeeeeHa!* Bring it on!

Shit Happens

And when shit happens, it strikes real hard!

I feel like banging my head against the brick wall!

Frustration is when I feel like clenching and grinding my teeth till no enamel left to do no nothing!

I want to rip every strand of my hair on my head!

Anger is when I clench my fist so tight that my nails pierce through the skin on my palm!

I hope to throw a cow-dunk pie right into your face!

Annoyance is when plans are wrecked and working out of my control!

Then again, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness are the fruit of life!

p/s: REAL frustration, anger and annoyance is when I can't even hold a conversation with you without ending in a flippin argument! Don't people converse and communicate anymore? What in the world happened to conversations? Damn technology for programing bloody robots into human beings! This world doesn't need opinionated buggers lingering about!

**ARghhhhhhh!!! And she's gone back to sticking her head in the brick wall, plucking strands of her hair off her head and feeding more bananas to bloody cows so that she gets a BIGGER and SOFTER cow-dunk pie!!**

Flip this Flippin Floppy Flap!! And Michelle is REALLY angry!!

One More Sleep!

One more sleep till John comes home!! =)

I miss my friend, my entertainer, my personal chef, my chauffeur, my bodyguard, my housemate, my butler, my shopping companion, my happiness, my cheeky monkey, my life coach, my everything, MY JOHN!! 

You don't know how much you rely on your other half until you're forced to be miles apart...There is a relationship that has been built on from a lot of time spent together, a lot of arguments resolved, a lot of learning from each other, a lot of sharing and caring. 

On the flip side of it, people engaging in LDR, in particular those who have not met each other, mostly Internet "relationships", how would you class that as a relationship? How would a relationship establish? How would you rely on the other person when you have not been physically together, have not experienced life together? Therefore, my question is how would you have that urge to want to be with the person? What motivates you to go the extra mile in investing in this "relationship"? Even being with a person you see physically, it would take a lot of effort for one to give and take in a relationship, I just find it very hard to understand what the motivations are for people involved in Internet "relationships". Is it lust that keeps the "relationship" going? Or simply the fun of it?

Thought of the day...

What would you do to prevent a drop of water from drying out?

You simply throw it back into the sea...

The Last Goodnight

Hey, last week I went to do something out at the ordinary which I thought I might just share. The Last Goodnight was here in Australia promoting their second single, "Stay Beautiful". I really like their album - POISON KISS. The lead sings with such great passion, so much emotions and their lyrics are simple and right to the point, I just love the album. Anyway, back to my point, they were promoting their album here in Australia, a small promo sponsored by Aldo. They were at the Brisbane store at Queen Street Mall. Gee, the whole queuing and getting squashed, and autograph session felt so like high school days (reminded me of my "meeting" with Mr Ronan Keating at Tower Records back in 2000 - Can't believe it's 8 freaking years ago!). Well all in all, was a great night! He sounded so much better live actually. I just adore this band, the lead singer in particular. *WiNk*

Strong yet weak...

There is so much happening in my life, yet...nothing has actually really happened! Demons stirring me up emotionally and psychologically - mental block, emotional downpour, mood swings, stress, etc, etc, etc. I feel like there is a mental race in everything I do and yet I'm not really doing anything? It's a strange feeling. I'm tired, yes I am...you demons, bugger off! Leave me alone...

Bear with me while I sort these little shits out...

p/s: I don't know how I got sucked into this downward spiral...Must be something in the chilly Brissy air...

Pictures of You...

Pictures of You 

(By The Last Goodnight)

This is the clock up on the wall

This is the story of us all

This is the first sound

Of a new born child before he starts to crawl

This is the war that's never won

This is the soldier and his gun

This is the mother waiting by the phone

Praying for her son

Pictures of you, pictures of me

Hung up on your wall for the world to see

Pictures of you, pictures of me

Remind us all of what we used to be

There is a drug that cures it all

Blocked by the governmental wall

We are the scientists inside the lab

Just waiting for the call

This earthquake weather has got me shaking

Inside I'm high up and dry

Pictures of you, pictures of me

Hung up on your wall for the world to see

Pictures of you, pictures of me

Remind us all of what we used to be

Confess to me every secret moment

Every stolen promise you believe

Confess to me, all that lies between us

All that lies between you and me

We are the boxers in the ring

We are the bells that never sing

There is a title we can't win

No matter how hard we must swing

Pictures of you, pictures of me

Hung up on the wall for the world to see

Pictures of you, pictures of me

Remind us all of what we could have been

Pictures of you, pictures of me

Hung up on your wall for the world to see

Pictures of you, pictures of me

Remind us all of what we could have been

Could have been, we could have been

Picture of you, pictures of me

Remind us all of what we could have been

~*X*~

Rest assured pictures of us will be kept safely within a special place in my heart...locked away, and sealed with happy smiles...Pictures of us, history of the past...With this I congratulate you and your wife-to-be, wishing you well as you've finally found a happy ending to this chapter of your life...

~XOXO~

6 years ago, I celebrated by 18th birthday...

My colleague turned 18 today and she asked me what happened on my 18th birthday as she swore to never forget this joyous occasion of her life forever. 

I was dumbfolded when I learnt that I could not remember a thing! "Oh shit!" This is not funny. I tried so hard, as if I was madly searching for a needle in a haystack, the feeling was tremendously frustrating. It took me a few minutes before I could utter something out of my mouth. I just plainly said, "like you, I had so much fun!". But really, what fun?? I cannot even remember a thing. I then sat down, pretended to be using so much brain power for work and made myself squeeze every drop of memory juice out of the memory bank and this is what I gathered:

I had a surprise party planned for my 18th birthday! It all started with a long drive to One Utama where all 3 of us, Alison, Jessie and myself were dressed in black. Upon arriving we had to wait outside the restaurant for ages. Apparently we cannot be let in until they had to set the table up for the 3 of us. And so I waited patiently. While waiting, I met my friend, Bee Voon and I was totally surprised. We exchanged hugs and she said she was meeting a friend and so I let her go and promised to catch up. After a couple of suspicious minutes later, Aaron appeared at the door to welcome me into the restaurant and I was fully taken by surprise! There was a video camera and camera flashes when the doors were opened. And gee, all my friends were gathered there...Ee Jhane, Bee Voon (liar, she was late!), Renee, Elaine, Amelia, Kar Wye, Mei Chin, Evan, Bryan, Aidan, Koks, Steven, and some other college friends which I apologise for not being able to remember their names. Was a fantastic evening. Everyone was in black. I received a few presents, one being a jumper I've been eyeing on since forever from Miss Selfridge, few bottles of alcoholpop in celebration of my officially legal drinking age and a beautiful diamond pendent and a matching necklace. That's all I can remember. Of all the presents, the only thing I still possess is the jumper. Of all my friends, the only ones I still contact are a hand-full out of the lot. 

I wish things hadn't changed, I wish those friends never left, I wish I never left, I wish forever and ever meant forever and ever, I wish to re-visit every single detail, I wish to feel the happiness I felt, I wish life to be always a happy-18-year-old..I wish, and I wish, and I wish, and all I can do is *wish*...

We are watching Opera!!

This was the conversation between John and I on the way home from work last week...

John: Hey, we're going to watch Oprah!

Michelle: Okay...(in my head I was wondering, is Oprah Winfery hosting her talk show here?)

John: Is next week good for you?

Michelle: Should be fine, but is Oprah in Brisbane??

John: Yaaaaa...Like as if you didn't know??

Michelle: Oprah Winfery is in Australia?!?!?!? 

John: Nooooooo laaaaaaaa!! Why would we want to watch The Oprah Winfery Show?!?!?

Michelle: Huh?? Then??

John: Phantom of the Opera laaaaaaaaa!! 

Michelle: Oppsies!! *laughs uncontrollably thinking what an idiot she was*

John and I will be watching Phantom of the Opera on 25th April 2008 (which is the NZ day public holiday too!)...woohoooooo!! 

The white mask, the stalk of red rose and Andrew Lloyd Webber...I make sure I got it right this time around!!

International Food Festival

Tomorrow is our annual International Food Festival at our college. 

All students and staff are invited to cook a traditional dish of their culture. 

Gosh, cooking is not exactly my cup of tea...last year I fried mee-hoon which I swear not to ever do again because I was up until 1am trying to fry so much mee-hoon for 2 billion people, I had mee-hoon everywhere in the kitchen, it nearly killed me. It is at times like this when I desperately wish I was at the comfort of my own home where I can just pick up the phone and ring good-old-grandma! "Hello, po-po ar, I need some food for my 28 classmates for International Smiling Day (or some whatever celebration)" My grandma would just whack up some fried mee-hoon in less than 1 hour (she makes it look so super easy!!) or head to the markets to pick up some fresh (yummilicious) sponge cake...OOOoOoOoLaLa...!! 

Anyway, back to reality...I'm here thousands of miles away from good-old-grandma...a decision has been made, I'm making some KUNYAKU JELLY!! Heck if that is not Malaysian...siapa kisah?!?!?!? As long as I bring some food, which in this case...Asian food!!

Speaking of KUNYAKU JELLY, I had my moment of glory with it...As not many of you know, I taught in a kindy before I started college back in those days. During Teachers' Day, one of my students' parent bought me a super huge box of pretty looking yet yummy tasting KUNYAKU JELLY!! Such a moment pride, when I looked into the super huge box of shiny, colourful jelly staring at back at me...woahhhhhhh...such a not-too-bad cikgu I was!! I remembered hogging the box of jelly home and smiling from cheek to cheek bragging to my grandparents what I model cikgu I was to deserve such a lovely gift (I also had a total of 1 million photo frames, a few clocks and a few bouquets of flowers...okay I stretched the truth a bit, but seriously I had so many photo frames, it was not funny!)!! I can't believe I actually thought for a split second that I was a model teacher, hahahahhaha!! What subject did I teach?? ART!! Hahahahhahahh!! Well, that is what you do when you are 17 okay - think of yourself as invincible!! At least I know my self-esteem was all along on track, hahahahha!!

Anyway, back to the subject, I made some KUNYAKU JELLY...

Present for Someone Special...

John's birthday is around the corner...

Michelle doesn't know what birthday present to get him *scratches head madly*

I've got a few ideas:

1) Lomographic Fisheye Camera #2

He's into photography, I thought he might like a special camera which captures picture in a fisheye view. It's pretty cute, I like it. Now except, it uses film and knowing John, he wouldn't really like the idea.  

2) Tripod

He did say he needs a tripod BUT who in the world would dream of getting someone a freaking tripod as a birthday present?? Not me, therefore I'm not keen! But if all else fails, I know what to get la. This would be my fall back plan. 

3) Electric Guitar

This is a little over my budget but I think I might have a fat chance of fall for it! The fact that I will be leaving him here in August, he will be left all by himself and if he there is something he would invest his time on, I'd rather it be an electric guitar! Well, he's no pro at it...he can play the acoustic guitar and now he would like to learn electric. Hence the super idea for an electric guitar! He does have a few good musically inclined genes (as compared to yours truly!). Then again, would he invest time in sharpening his skills or is it just a hangat-hangat tahi ayam kinda thing??

4) Crumpler Laptop Bag

Okay, John does have quite a collection of bags. Does he really need to add one more to it? I don't think so. But this would be an easy present coz I know exactly what he wants and where to buy.

Well this is not too bad actually...I've got a few ideas...I just have work out which one to pick. I hate making decisions, but I'm a big girl now I better start having a mind of my own!! 

BBQ stinks!

Okay, barbeque sticks! As if you didn't know that yet!??!?!?

Today as part of my job description which includes "...and other relevant responsibilities given", I had to barbeque! For the first time in my life, I had to cook a massive lot of onions to feed hundreds of hungry students. And so I got right into it by ripping open a 1kg bag of sliced up onion and shoved my hand right in to grab a few hand-full of onion for the flaming hot pit. Now this was at 12pm okay. The time now is 11:30pm and I swear my hand smells like some disgusting body odour of some random person who's forgotten to shower for daysssssss!! 

I do cook occasionally and therefore fiddling with onions is no big deal to me. BUT seriously, my hand had never smelt this bad before! I am not kidding you, the smell of my hand makes me want to puke! Ewwwwwww!

Note to all: When (need be) to deal with large volume of chopped up onions, please do not attempt direct contact with any part of your skin to avoid vomiting sensation (you will thank me for this warning!). 

MH140 left for KL from Brisbane at 0015

Dad has left for home...no tears at the airport, very well done on my part!! =) In fact this has never happened before. I would usually flood the airport whenever I leave my parents or vice versa. 

HOWEVER, there were a few tears on the way home...

Text message from dad to Mich:

4got 2 fill the immigration form thats why took so long. Take care n love u! 

Text message from Mich to dad:

Do you need to fill a form? Returning home wad, oh actually have 2! I forgot 2 mention! 2 happy that all 30 kg luggage were through, he he! Have a safe and comfy flight home. See you in August! Love u lots! Muaks! If ur hand still bleeding, please ask the air steward for a band aid. 

Text message from dad to Mich:

Ok, bye n love u, nite nite!

Text message from Mich to dad:

Opps, no one 2 cover blanket 4 me 2nite! Nvm, 4 more months I'll be home! Love u lots! =)

Text message from dad to Mich:

(>"*<)

  (-,-) zzzZ!

(")-<')

sshh ..it's me putting a blanket on you, so that you won't get cold, have a warm & good nite sleep! Sweet dreams ~ love daddy.

Text message from Mich to dad:

Ha ha! Thank u! :) I'll sleep tight now! Good night! :)

Text message from dad to Mich:

Hope teddy will do a good job 2nite.

Almost boarding. Will sms u on arrival. Love u. Nite nite!

Yes, daddy's girl I am! For as long as I lived at home, or whenever dad's around, he tucks me in bed. I would crawl into my bed and after I've fallen asleep, he would sneak into my room and make sure all 4 ends of my blankie touch the 4 corners of my bed so that I would be tucked in warm and cosy. 

p/s: I love you dad!

Body Piercing?

21/03/2008

Mom: Dad's going to Brisbane next week.

Mich: Yay! I get to have dad for a week!

Mom: Ya, please don't fight...

Mich: Don't worry, we will not! 

27/03/2008

Mich: Dad, can I please get my belly pierced?

Dad: Better not...

Mich: Give me 3 good reasons.

Dad: Let me have a think about it first. 

Mich: Okay, now tell me why?

Dad: 1) Because you are normal - normal people don't do abnormal things 

Mich: But I want to be an individual!

Dad: 2) You don't want to deform yourself intentionally

Mich: But piercing is not deforming oneself, it can heal back if you decide to take it off. 

Dad: 3) Why would you want to inflict pain on yourself?

Mich: It's not going to be painful! Even if it does hurt, I would be the one bearing the pain!

Dad: Better not la...Your mom won't be very happy about it.

Mich: Ish (and pouts and sulks!)!

Dad's usually my partner in crime, but guess he's not big on body piercing. I would understand why he would object to a tattoo, but piercing?!?!?!?! I nearly managed to convince him when we walked by a jewellery shop selling belly rings. I nearly succeeded but in the end went home without a piercing yet again! ISH!

Anyway, dad's going home in 2 days...maybe I can get my belly pierced next week? *evil grin* Hahahhahaha!!

We haven't had any fights so far (sorry to disappoint you mom, hahahahah!!), just ongoing debate on belly piercing which heats up once in a while within the week. 

*I wonder why would a 24 year old seek permission from her parents to get her belly pierced? Pretty strange, but that's just me, welcome to my world!* ^_^

Does your boss bake?

Girafeee the sore neck giraffe!

Lay-by not so bad afterall

I've finally picked up my lay-by dress!!

I've waited one long week before I can call it MINE!! 

What's best is that I took advantage of the 25% off...WooHooOoOooOoooo!!

I refunded and repurchased (the sales person taught me the trick!)...

Was the wait worth it??

At least the 25% off made up for the anger burst from last week.

Will I lay-by again??

...Erm, don't think so!!

Lay-by

Lay-by, you basically pay a holding deposit on an item you want but don't really want to pay for it yet. In simple words, you cannot afford but cannot resist wanting ownership of the item. I call it, cheapskate way of shopping!! I have always been against the idea of lay-by. To me, if you cannot afford it, don't buy it!! 

Today, I became a victim of lay-by and I am so totally pissed at myself!! Why?!?!?! Because, the dress looked stunning and the moment I tried it on, I know it's going to be MINE regardless how much the tag says. As I was about to pay, someone told me to put it on lay-by (and he knows I'm totally against it, but somehow he always thinks I have no money, hence he always suggest lay-by!!). Why?!?!??!? "Just put it on lay-by la, nest week when you have more money then come and pay for it!" And, and...and I can't believe I succumbed to it!! I freaking wonder why?!?!?!? I have the money to pay for it...the dress is not that pricey after all. But why did I freaking listen to someone else's opinion - which isn't even beneficial at all!! What's the point of getting the dress next week when I want it NOW?!?!?!??! And to add to it, to lay-by an item, you have to pay an extra non-refundable $5 for service fee and the most important thing is that I WON'T BE ABLE TO WEAR THAT DRESS TOMORROW!!!!!!!!! Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!

Please just SHUT UP the next time you shop with me. If you opinion will not be beneficial, please just shut up!! Heard of the saying, "if you have nothing good to say, say nothing"!?!??!?!? This is when this saying come in real handy!! 

Shopping tip: Never bring a cheapskate shopping with you!! SUCKS!!

Michelle the Addict!

I've been shopping madly these days and it's becoming a problem. I acknowledge the problem - I'm a bargain sucker and my adrenalin pumps whenever I see SAVINGS!! Although some things (most things actually) I buy, I don't need them, they are more just to soothe my addiction. I'm addicted to bargains!! How can I not buy these shoes when they were discounted from the original price of $149.95 to $99 and now, final reduction 50% of the reduced price?!?!?!??!?! Tell me how can anyone resist?!?!?!?!? As a result, over the past 3 weeks, i purchased 5 pairs of shoes!! Clothes bargains were equally as bad!! Cutest pair of shorts from Sportsgirl, from $59.95 down to $29.95. As a result, I bought a pair in White, a pair in Mint and another pair in Yellow!! I also bought a few dresses. One of them, the best bargain among the lot were from $99 down to $70 and 50% off the reduced price. To my *surprise* *surprise* at the checkout, the dress was down to $50 and %50 off $50 makes it $25!! I also bought singlets from Giordano to wear as layers and they were from $25 down to $10!! All these bargains are seriously driving me insane!! I buy and buy and buy and get soooooooooo hyped up when I see the discount tags being thrown in my faceeeeeeeeeee!! Please don't get me started on lingerie and pyjamas!! I'm a serial shopper!!

Michelle: Hi all! My name is Michelle and I'm a Shopaholic.

Shopaholic Anonymous: Hi Michelle! We welcome you!

Second month of 2008...

Lots happened in this fresh new 2008:

1) Edison Chen and Cecelia Cheung Scandal

This I personally think is stupid! Why is the public so concerned over some fellow's personal life that it has been known as the 9-11 of Hong Kong's entertainment industry?!?!?!? What about spending the time and effort finding solutions to rectify our filthy environment?? Is there any positive impact for speculating scandals as such?!?!?!? It's their business, their problem!! Too bad, too sad for them!! 

2) The passing of the great "Happy Fruit" of Hong Kong, the late Lydia Shum

This I feel a little upset. Afterall, I grew up watching "Happy Fruit" in TVB movies, talk shows, reality programs and game shows. I'm sure TVB fans will miss her laughter and most of all her very cheerful and bubbly personality. She left behind her 20 year old only daughter and I do sincerely hope she remains strong through this whole mourning process. 

3) Queensland is flooding

From drought to flood! Not easy being the weather man here in Queensland. Changes from one extreme to the other. One minute we had farmers committing suicide as their crops dry up and die and the next we had people drowning and being swept away by the flood waters. Not complaining with the down pour of rain as the level of water restriction will stop rising and that would mean we can clean ourselves better when in the shower. 

4) Interest rates rise (again!)

This is not funny at all. Everything is rising in price - interest rates, fuel, groceries --> necessities!! But we've not heard of this one very important thing rising - our wages!! How would an average income earner cope with this?? Only God knows!!

Valentine's Day 2008

No flowers, no chocolate for me this year (not that I fancy being part of the victims of overpriced florists!)...

We only managed to book for a table for dinner at SONO last night - was a disaster!! Not the food but we argued over some mundane shit - as we do!!

Dinner was (as usual) good with a very tensed atmosphere as both head-strong people were not prepared to give in - welcome to our world!!

This afternoon however I had my surprise(!) I had lunch delivered to me at work. I had my favourite Chicken Namban, Taro milk tea with herbal jelly (slurpsssss!!) and a box of variety of 4 beard papa dessert! Yummy-dooooo-dahhhhhh!! 

Got picked up from work to get home (although home from work is only a mere 7 minutes stroll up and down the hill and up again), and was given a stalk of origami rose, hahahha!! Apparently, someone learnt to fold it on You Tube!! They do teach you some useful stuff in the cyber space these days!! For those of you who didn't manage to buy any overpriced roses for this occasion, perhaps try You Tube!! =)