Today is 24th September 2010

Three more months of suffering before I conclude my journey as a postgraduate student. The feeling of excitement steals center stage as I think about what I can be doing in the future - something I like, something that carries lots of meaning to me, as well as something I wish to embark on. But with such hope for the future, it's undeniable that I am also overladen with large amount of stress as I try to do my  best in finishing the final semester in the most satisfying way.

Relating to the future, I was also being reminded to ponder upon something that is quite real for the woman in me. Would I pursue my career and travel the path of a modern woman, or would I focus on my family and allow the traditionalist in me to play its role? As much as I don't feel my age and love the fact that I feel (and look, hehe) younger than my age, I cannot deny the fact that age is catching up and that decisions need to be made. Once I hit the big 2, I find that every decision I make revolve around either fulfilling the role of a modern woman or a traditionalist. Every single time. Now that I am about to conclude another chapter of my life in my 20s, I find myself asking the same question. Then again, I know whichever one I decide to follow now, being human, I will one day want a taste of the other path that I did not take. Either way, sacrifices will have to be made. I guess as of now I can still afford to follow my heart and see where it leads me. I say this because, each time I do so, it has never failed me. I hope that this time it makes no exception too.

How come men don't need to think about questions like that in life? Most men I know only have one goal, which is to work as hard as they can. They don't seem to have an option. So, who says having no option is bad? I wish sometimes I was born in the 18th century or earlier where women only have one goal in life, which is to get married and care for their families. No doubt I think it will not be anything near easy, but at the very least most women will be doing the same thing, so I'm hoping support will be there? And that this is probably the only one right thing to do back then. Your role in life is pretty much decided by the gender you are and you do just that, like it or not! To which, I think I will quite enjoy being a traditional woman to be honest. I would enjoy caring for my family through cooking, baking, sewing, cleaning, scrubbing, teaching, coaching, which are most of the traditional roles played by women back then.

On becoming a woman, modern versus traditional, today I had an experience of just that. I was put in the same room with women who are mothers and facilitating a parenting workshop. As much as I do not deny the lack of real-life experience to understand the problems presented but through knowledge which I am privileged to get being a modern woman in a modern day and age, I was able to read up and be a professional about it, without needing to fill the traditional role of a woman just to get a taste of what parenting is. This was really refreshing for me personally as I saw how modern and traditional made a collaboration together to achieve a common goal. Then again, as much as I felt good about myself being a modern woman working hard to prove myself in an area of interest which was obviously not very traditional, I also felt the longing in me wishing to be on the other receiving end, sitting in the room being what a woman should be, a mother instead.

This battle will never find its solution.

To my ever supportive partner, today is a date to remember...together, our hard work paid off and I'm sure we made a difference in at least one person's life!